I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
