We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
