so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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