I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
