i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
