Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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