you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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