I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
