She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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