Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
