u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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