Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
