Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
