You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
