Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
