she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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