i wish starbucks made bloody marys
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
