You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
