please come you make the beer taste better
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
