everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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