just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
