we have officially lost it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
