8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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