Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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