Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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