i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
