I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
