I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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