Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
