i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
