True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
