Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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