I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
