Three words: puerto rican gang bang
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
sarcasm needs its own font
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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