it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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