I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
