I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
