I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
