No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
