No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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