Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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