i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
