I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
