I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm getting married
To pizza
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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