The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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