cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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