Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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