so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
