somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
