no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
